How Do I Begin? My Truth.
I could rant about everything I’ve accomplished—education, sports, music, entrepreneurship, but it has never felt right to find joy in the skills I worked hard to cultivate. So, today, I’ll focus on what has felt right to me: the days when I feel unworthy, despite my achievements and emotional growth.
Do you ever feel this way?
From a very young age, I’ve been conditioned to mask my true feelings and disregard my well-being. I have learned to suppress my hurt and tolerate...everything. All in the name of cultural norms and “protecting” a nonexistent “family image.” Because what my family had was far from familial. I struggle to recall moments when we genuinely enjoyed each other’s presence without the coincidental occurrence of a holiday.
In the words of my favorite artist, FLUID P: try again!
However, this post isn’t about dissecting the myriad ways family dynamics may sabotage us. Instead, I want to bring something different to your attention.
Trauma Is Hereditary
Family trauma echoes through generations—up to six, they say. So, ask yourself: Do these negative self-thoughts truly belong to me?
We often mimic or act out the limitations and sabotaging beliefs of family members or loved ones. The love and respect we have for someone who faced adversity can leave us feeling inadequate, and unable to find love in ourselves. Sometimes, we live by standards set in childhood, without reevaluating them as adults. Do these standards still reflect our true perspective on life and progress?
I spent most of my life trying to fit the narrative of a "good Nigerian kid". Obey your elders without question. Submit and accept disrespect and unfairness. Quiet your voice. Reject your authentic self. Become a doctor, lawyer, engineer or politician. Four degrees and 32 years later, I want to be a writer, artist, and a motivational speaker, and it is sad to say that these are not dreams that I developed as an adult. I have always wanted to be a performer, speaker and artist of some sort since a young girl. How beautiful it would have been, if I had given myself the permission to be me and acquire years of experience in what I am an amateur today.
Now that you know, take a moment to evaluate the narratives and words you tell yourself. Do your emotions align with the circumstances you are experiencing? Do you allow yourself to be proud of your achievements without dimming your light to spare someone else’s feelings? Are you, yourself? Do you believe everything you stand and vouch for? Where and when did your beliefs begin? Did you choose your beliefs or where they imposed on you?
I challenge you to find your answers. Find your truth.
Remember: Healing is ongoing. And healing starts with you.
Until next time!
Love Always,
Jessica Ogunnorin
Written: August 18, 2023
Published: June 24, 2024
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